dreams and reality

watched the korean movie twenty ytd and erm it made me think a lot

like basically the story revolves around three guys who are 20 and they are suddenly 'adults' and have to start thinking about what they want to do in life and shit

probably how we felt when we had to make our choice when choosing what we want to major in in uni cos it kind of dictates what we are going to do in life in the future (i have learnt not to believe this, but okay according to popular beliefs) 

and in the movie junho's character aspires to be a cartoon artist but eventually 'gave up' on his dream to pursue a job at his uncle's factory and kang haneul and kim woobin's character dissed him for giving up. 

that part resonated with me a lot cos although i don't know what i want to do in life yet, but it's probably not a 9-5 office job and the thought that i might be pursuing a dream that is not conventional and no one approves of is scary. it's scary because it's going to be hard, and the uncertainty of not knowing whether you will succeed sucks. the dilemma of whether i should persevere and hold on hoping it will be better, or should i just be realistic and give up? 

okay just thinking too much but hey the me 10 years down the road, i hope when you look back at this post you can be like, "hey, good job on persevering because you got what you want" 

as i grow older, i agree more and more with what the adults say: when you are young, you want to quickly grow up but it's only when you grow up that you will know it's even harder when you are older T_T (but then again, i am probably an adult already lol) 

uni sucks cos of the non-existent class system, but it's a welcome shelter and buffer to really think through what i want to do with my life before i graduate. 

it's just going to get tougher from now on, but let's hang on tight my friends!!!

okay but went back to work after midterms and wow i found out about so many things lol. 

it's really not fun outside in the corporate world where everyone is trying to climb the ladder and sometimes treat others so badly just so they can get a one-up against others. 

all i can say is: pls wise up and don't just trust what other people tell you because everyone is just selfish and say things that are beneficial to themselves/paint themselves in a good light. 

dk why i'm not surprised even when the good image i have of someone i respect a lot got destroyed today, probably because they had already been precursors warning me about it? really, the things that happen behind the scenes scare me sometimes. people/humans scare me the most. we are the smartest animal on Earth, but it's because we are the smartest which also makes us the scariest (with our hidden intentions and ulterior motives)

i'm just a part-time so i work infrequently so it's okay, but i feel sad for my FT colleague who's struggling so much with this dog-eat-dog society/company. like the moment you offend the wrong person, it's the end for you. who cares about skills and talents? it's all about the connections you have in the end. 

working has really opened my eyes to a lot of things and i really learnt a lot from it. not only just how things operate, but also how to interact with people and how not to interact with people (sometimes it's not good to voice out your opinion). 

although my impressions of some of my colleagues have changed (for the worst lol) over the span of time i have known them for, i have also met some really nice and sincere people that i feel like i can trust. (okay maybe i'm just being gullible again but whatever okay lol)

like i have this colleague nicknamed yi da li (like Italy but pronounced one big round ball in chinese lol), and like i clicked really well with her and we chatted a lot while we work. she's like my older sister, always looking out for me and telling me stories about her life and like i learnt a lot from her. 

so her mom just passed away recently and we were talking about how she went back to do some ceremony for the 100 days since her mom's death and i asked her an innocent question "你爱你妈妈吗？" cos like she always make sure to go back home when she has break off work (meanwhile there's me who's too lazy to go back home lol)

and she said "爱啊，但是有一点爱得太迟了。那时候早一点爱的话会更好"

wah ffffff then the feels just........... we both teared up a little LOLOLOLOLOL

i teared up cos i feel bad for not going home more often (i'm lazy af la can or not)

like i think at this age it finally hits us that our parents won't be with us forever and we know we have to treasure them before it's too late but we always get to the 'too late' stage before we start to regret (instead of treasuring them when we are with them now!!!!) 

and it's like a big problem for me cos i'm someone who doesn't know how to express my feelings but i guess all i have to do is to show my face at home and they will be happy... so guess it's time to go back home more often!!